Sibling Issues

  A lot of people I know, when they have two kids, they look for places to go.  Because when the kids are stimulated, kept interested on something else, they wouldn't have conflicts with each other.
  I, on the other hand, kept my girls in most of the time.  I want to see them fight.  I want to teach them what's acceptable, what's not.  Yes, the early days were very demanding on me (when the second child is mobile and can get to the first child's toys).  But my second child Annabel learned about taking turns, learned about sharing, learned about not to grab from someone's hands very early on.
  Instead of always asking the first born child to yield to the baby (and harbor resentment in her heart), I train the second child.

  But there are other issues besides fighting over toys...
I'll use real stories to illustrate:
1.   A year ago, we went to friend's house.  Abby went into friend's room and closed the door, keeping Annabel out (I am not sure whose idea it was).  Annabel wanted to get in and started to cry.  Do you think Abby should be mindful of Annabel's needs?  Or she should just care about playing with her friend.
  I had a talk with Abby after that.  Annabel is used to play with Abby all the time and follows her everywhere.  Now all of a sudden, she is excluded.  She won't understand why.  I told her friends come and go.  Sisters are forever.  After parents die, they will only have each other as family and will need to take care of each other.  They are best friends for life.

2.  When I cook dinner, sometimes I ask Abby to babysit Annabel for me.  In the beginning, Abby would  choose games or books that she wants to play/read to do with Annabel.  But Annabel couldn't do those yet.  So will still come looking for me.   I had a talk with her about being flexible.  To choose games, books at Annabel's skill level.  It's not about what you want to do.  It's sensing what other people needs. I praise her for being such a wonderful babysitter and mommy's helper

3.  Once Annabel kept asking Abby something and Abby ignored her or told her to ask mommy.  I asked Abby, is it true that sometimes when you talk on and on about something, mommy wasn't really listening?  How does that make you feel?  So how does Annabel feel when you do this?  How about we both try harder to listen to others even when we don't want to?
  I also ask her why she is responding to Annabel in such a way.  She usually doesn't know.  I would ask, is it because you want to do your own things and don't want Annabel to bother you?  She replies yes.  I ask her if there is selfishness in her heart and she did not consider other people, only thought of herself.  She agrees.  I then say, it's a sin in the heart and we need to ask Jesus to help us with it.

4.  The typical "She's touching me!"  When Abby complains about Annabel sitting too close to her or keeps talking to her, I tell her "Annabel loves you and therefore wants to be close to you (or talk to you).  If she doesn't like you, she will sit far away from you (or won't speak a word to you).