Accept

  When Abby meets a challenging problem (word problem, piano), she gets whiny and I get furious.  Her mind shuts down and starts to make careless mistakes.  And I get even more angry.

   I tried different ways.  I tried putting her on time out.  Giving her a hug, holding her.  Giving her extra assignment for being whiny.  Nothing works.  She still whines.  (the extra assignment works to certain degree)

   Finally, I just accept that she is not doing it to spite me or on purpose.  That is just who she is.  She can't help it by reacting that way.  She still whines, but I don't get angry any more.

   After she turned 9 recently, I had a talk with her about this.  I asked her what I should do.  She said she wants me to give her a hug when she starts whining.  And then just talk to her in my normal voice and remind her not to whine, change her attitude.  And not use my stern, raised voice.  And then we should take a break before continuing.  Sounds good to me.

    She is especially affected when I tell her "XXX is horrible" (her multiplication, word choice, or piano piece played, for example).  She is wounded by my words.  I say those things when I get frustrated with her mindless mistakes (after mind shutting down).  I need to work on being more positive and encourage her (and not so Chinese-focus on negative things).